Saving the Pagans
by LadyCatoblepas
Summary: Everyone is dying in Skyrim because of the dragons. But then a good, strong knight of the Lord comes along and saves them from the dragons... and their pagan ways!
1. Chapter 1 - A Stranger Calls

It was a dark and stormy night in Whiterun. Jarl Balgruff was sitting on his throne with his mind as dark and stormy as the sky above his head. He sipped from his goblet of mead and swirled the mead around in his mouth, brooding internally about the monsters that were destroying his kingdom.

Proventius, his greedy steward, bowed and spoke with a nasallic voice. "My Jarl the dragons are attacking and killing everyone! What should we do! We have prayed to all of our gods and even asked that priest to pray too but nothings happening!" Jarl Balgruff's mouth sighed angrily, letting out a warm puff of air into the cold Scandalous climate of Skyrim. "I do not know ok Proventius! All of my guards are dead because the dragons ate them and everyone else to! Even the dragonborn is dead because the dragons ate him to! We are all out of hope because there is nothing left we can do!" Irileth, an ugly elf woman, was about to say something when the big wooden doors swung open and hit the other side of the wall with a loud bang. Everyone in the room turned to the door and gasped. The fire went out for a second and then went on again.

A man was standing tall and proud (in a humble way) in the doorway. He wore a brilliant white cloak that shone with holy white light. He held a beautiful curved sword shaped like a cross in one hand and a big shield in the other that had a big sign of a cross on it. The horse he sat on was beautiful and white too and seemed to be shining with radiation energy. He walked up the room.

Proventius snarled nasallicly at him and barked cruelly. "Who are you and what are you doing in our castle! You're letting all the cold in you stupid man! You-". But suddenly the annoying steward was silenced by the holy man.

The man walked up the room and talked in a lovely voice, beautiful and melodic to the ear like an angel choir was singing. "I will save you from the dragons. My Lord sent me to kill them and save you, for it is the good thing to do."

Jarl Balgruff looked again, eyes wide with hope and happiness. Something seemed very good about this man. "Good sir, you have our thanks! But who are you and what is the name of your Lord! I must know!"

The good man turned and spoke again, divine words spilling off his tongue. "I am Abraham Jeremiah Solomonson, and I serve the One True Lord."

Jarl Balgruff looked confused. "And who is the One True Lord you talk about?"

Abraham laughed jollyly and declared his faith for all to hear.

"There is only one One True Lord, and His name is Jesus Christ."


	2. Chapter 2 - Christ Comes

Everyone in the room went silent. There was not even a gasp! None of them had ever heard the name Christ before but they found it comforting somehow, like everything was going to be all right. They felt a warmness flow through their body as if they were the Apostles and the Holy Spirit descended upon them during Pentecost. This was forgotten when they heard the shrill, nasty voice of the fat steward Proventius. "Excuse me but I will have you know that Jarl Balgruff is the one true lord in Skyrim and everyone is is lier!" he screeched pridefully. "Besides I have not even heard of this Lord Jesus Christ so you are a lier too. Be gone!"

Abraham chuckled a wholesome chuckle. "Proverbs 19:9." he crooned. "A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish." He turns to face the rest of the room, extending his arms sideways to show his palms to the others. There were scars on them, and he wore a gold ring on his left hand's index finger with the word "Veritas" on it (that's "truth" in Roman). "I am not dead, am I? Nor did I perish. So I do not lie. There for I am telling the truth. Jesus Christ is the Lord."

The room murmured in agreement and nodded. Like any true servant of God, his logic was flawless. Abraham continued. "Ephesians 6:17 - Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." He swung his cross-shaped curved sword around in an ark, showing its holy might. It was truly the word of God on this day.

Irileth spoke up then, her unfeminine voice causing all but the most hardy to cringe in pain. "Who is this God? There is no God in Skyrim. We worship Talos and the Nine Divines. Do you mean Talos too?" Holy Abraham chuckled once again. "Your Talos is a false pagan god. You have been tricked by Satan. There is no God but God."

Irileth wailed in furious anger, moved to emotion so swiftly as only a woman can be, and charged at him with her sword. She was going to kill him with it! But Abraham had the advantage - the Lord God stood behind him! Irileth jumped and tried to cut Abraham's head open, but Abraham lifted his Shield of Faith into the air in front of Irileth's sword and the sword exploded as if it was made of explosive grenades instead of steel and Irileth fell to the ground and then Abraham put his hand on her forehead and smiled.

"It is wrong to kill a woman so I forgive you Irileth because you only acted out of your base feminine instincts. But in return for sparring you you must repent and become a servant of God like me!" Abraham spoke justly, his voice angelic and songlike in its sound.

Irileth was crying tears of sadness and happiness. Sad that she had been defeated in battle but happy that she had been spared and allowed to serve God. Like an orphan begging for food on the streets she cried out and raised her hands. "I repent and I will now say the Lord's Prayer! Our Father who art in Heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdom come thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for thine is the Kingdom the Power and the Glory forever and ever Amen!"

A blinding light flashed out of Irileth. She was now a Christian! The room weeped tears of joy because of this miracle. Truly God had been here today! Everyone threw themselves at the ground and said the Lord's prayer except for the cruel steward Proventius. Even proud and strong Balgruff kneeled before the One True Lord Jesus Christ. They all said as one those holy words they have heard before said by Irileth moments earlier: Our Father who art in Heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdom come thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for thine is the Kingdom the Power and the Glory forever and ever Amen!"

Proventius stomped out of the room angrily muttering blasphemies under his breath. He turned at the stairs and shook his fist at the rest of the room. He was not going to convert like the others and will surely suffer for it!

Abraham smiled and raised his two hands up into the air so that they pointed upwards. "You have now thrown away your fake pagan gods and been blessed by God and you are now Christians! Just remember Matthew 22:37 and you shall enter Heaven when you die: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your mind and with all your mind! I shall now leave and save you from the dragons!"

Everyone applauded and cried in faithful ecstasy, throwing their hands around the room and wailing in joy and singing hymns at each other. Truly Abraham had saved them in more way than one that dark and stormy night!


	3. Chapter 3 - Bandits in Whiterun!

Abraham stepped out into the night and looked around in the bright night. It was quiet except for the preaching of that loud and boastful fool Heimskr. Abraham shook his head: this man was disturbing the peace with his ramblings! How could anyone sleep? Abraham sighed quickly and reached into his deep robes with his arm and pulled out his Faithful OS phone and put his headphones on. Abraham was no fool: he knew Steve Job created Apple as an illusion to do garden of Eden. He put on his favourite song which was Satan Bite the Dust by Carman and walked away. It was a very catchy song about Carman fighting Satan and winning because the Lord was with him. Abraham could'nt help but whistle along to it. He hoped he would get to be like Carman one daay!

As he walked by the old and ugly preacher Heimskr the old man was shouting at Abraham to worship Talos. He had a mad fury in the red whites of his eyes that made Abraham think that he was possessed by a devil! But then he remembered that there are no devils in Skyrim and that dumb old man was probably just a raving pagan. Black spit and saliva flew out of his mouth and nearly hit Abraham but his holy senses allowed him to dodge the filthiness before anything bad could happen. The nerve of some people Abraham thought. He followed the true God but he didn't go everywhere rubbing it in peoples faces and shouting about it in public! But Abraham did not say any thing because Skyrim was a free country and like it or not every one had a right to say what ever they want because of free speech. He thought of Mark 12:17 as he walked past the preacher: Give back to Caesar what is Caesar's and give back to God what is God's!

He was just about to walk down some stairs when suddenly a bunch of men ran out of the walls in front of him and drew big swords and pointed them at him. Bandits he thought! A scrawny man with a big nose spoke first. "Ok this is a hold up! Give me all your money or we will stab you and take it anyway!"

Abraham chuckled to himself and drew his brilliant white cloak so it would not brush near the dirty boots the bandits wore. He would not allow his Lord to be profaned by such rabble and their uncleanness! "Proverbs 6:11. Your poverty will come in like a vagabond and your need like an armed man."

"Huh? Whats that supposed to mean?" asked the stupid big nosed bandit but it was too late. As quick as the angel of death on Passover, Abraham had drawn his curved cross-shaped sword from it's scabbard under his white cloak and ran fast towards the bandit. He swung it at him once then twice then three times and then the bandit fell to pieces on the floor and died. His body blurred like Heaven as he leaped and twirled from bandit to evil bandit cutting them down with his holy cross shaped sword. A second later only one bandit was standing and he was afraid. He had truly witnessed the might of the Lord on that day!

Abraham pulled on his white cloak and turned around on his sandals to face the bandit. With a charming smile he said "I am Abraham Jeremiah Solomonson and I am a servant of the Lord Our God and his son Jesus Christ. You have witnessed the might of the Lord on this day and you have seen nothing like it! You will repent and become a Christian and do good things like me! Ok?"

The bandit cried and wept tears of joy. Only a good Christian like Abraham would be mercy enough to spare him and he knew it! "Ok I am a Christian now! Thank you Mr Abraham sir! I will go and do good deeds because of the mercy you have show me. Thank you."

The bandit ran down the street laughing and crying and singing the Lord's Prayer to all that would hear him. He was so loud he even drowned out that pagan oat Heimskr! Holy Abraham smiled a smile of divine joy and walked out the gate as Satan Bite the Dust finished playing.


	4. Chapter 4 - Matthew 22: 34-40

And then Abraham decided that he felt tired after giving the Lord's justice desserts to the sinful vagabonds and decided it was about time that he went into the in so that he could get some sleep. He quickly ran around the town and was sad to discovre their were only two ins in the entire city and both were run by pagan! Eventually he picked up a very lucky and very holy coin he got when he made pilgrimage in Jeruslem and flipped it once and then twice. Then he looked at it and it said heads so he knew the Word wanted him to go into the banned mare (besides the other one has the word drunken in the name and Abraham knows drinking alcohole is sinning). Then he steps into the banned mare and says to everyone "Hello I am Abraham Jeremiah Solomonson and I am a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ and I need a room for the night."

The barmaid was a meek and humble woman like all should be and she walked over to him and said that he would need to pay 1000 dragons to get a room for the night because he was not of talos. But then Abraham looked into her eyes and used his holy God-given power Stare of the Heretics Scare and suddenly the barmaid fell to the floor and gave it to him for nothing. By morning she would realize that all her life he had worshiped false idols and would become a christian!z

Then he woke up and it was morning. Some of the guards started at him because they were angry he was not a blasfemur like them but anyway Abraham didnt care. They would burn in Hell for ever, not him! He sat down on a table and ordered the woman to give him bread and water because anything else would be greedy. And then a messager bursted into the room holding a letter in his hand!

"Excuse me Excuse me im looking for Abraham Jeremiah Solomonson I have a very impotent letter for him! It is very urgent!" he said whimpering sadly but also excitedly. "Hello I am Abraham Jeremiah Solomonson God's chosen crusader to purge this land of its heather followers how can I help you?" he said triumfanty and proudly but in a humbel way. Then he gave him the letter and he thanked him and he ran out of the room again. He opens the letter. Abraham was suprized!

"Hello I am an witch called Fangar the secret fire and I think u should spend some time with me. Come to my room after dark and I hsve some things to show u." said Fangar thru the letter. It was a challenge, and one Abrahama would not turn down!


	5. Chapter 5 - A Witch's Invitation Denied!

When the sun set Abraham walked over to Fangar the witch's tower in Dragonsranch and pushed the door open and walked in. The tower was covered in mossy ivy and stone and the door creaked loudly when it opened and slammed witth a thud. Fangar was standing there. He had a big black bushy beard and black robes with black eyes and a black soul. "Please... Come in" he said evilly and Abraham did.

Abraham gasped when he went in... the tower was filled with lots of evil occult things! The room was filled with wega boards all over the place spelling out words like hell and sat*n. A dungeons and dragons board sat in the corner with books about summonining demons and magic on top of it - looking closer Abraham could see one of them was one of the evil child corippting Harry Potter books! "Please... Take a seat!" he cackled evil and Abraham did reluctantly and picked up a bottle of herbal tea and drunk it.

Then Fargnar pulled out a book of things and showed it to Abraham... it was his diary!

Abraham read through the diary in horror at the things it said. Fangar had done stuff like killing people with wiccan dances or cursing a nother person with druid spells or even healing a gays AIDS with demon magic! He laughed and laughed and said in a wiked voice "I have so much power be cause I am an athiest and so serve the devil instead of your silly God!" With satanic arrogant bliss he said. "wha can your God do that can compare to this"

Suddeny Abraham felt weak like when Moses had to stand in front of the wizards in the Moslem lands. He could not do these things, and the were very evil... So evil that he kneq htat his good power to Fangra's evil. Then he did the only theing that came to his head nad prayed to God. Out loud he shouted "Jesus! Give me the power to fight this person!" And then suddenly light came down into him and he no longer felt afraid anymore. "Well my soul is not in danger and will go to heaven but where will yours go huh? You are the devil's puppet but I am a free main of GOD! One day they will drag your soul down to hell and mine will go up to heaven, and then you will fill pretty stupid then wont you? You have lost!"

Fangar looked at him angrily, screeched evilly and then picked up a copy of that profane book from a table the GOD Delusion by Richard Dworkin and threw it at him quickly bug Abraham was faster and quicker than light he drew his curved cross-shaped sword which had been folded a thousand times and cut through it. Then everyone heard the sounds of a crier of angels in the air and suddenly Abraham looked up! Above his head was the fire of the HOLY SPIRIT like that which fell on the Apostles at Pentacost! He grabbed it and took it into his hand and then he realised he had a brand new ability of holy fire!. He threw it all around theroom and burned all the heretical stuff. The Dworkin books burned off the shelves and the dungeons and dragons boards exploded wih the scream of a thousand demons dying in agony and then the weja boreds spun around and flow away. Fangar screamed and tried to throw a devil fire at Abraham. But Abraham was quicker! He pulled out his cross shaped curved sword and ruahed foward and cut open Fangar and cut him open. Then a hole appeared and he screamed and the evil witch fell down to hell. God riddance!

Abraham chuckled and brushed himself off and then walked out of the tower. In the end the power of GOD always wins!


	6. Chapter 6 - A Secret Friend?

Then did Abraham Jeremiah Solomonson paladin of GOD walk out of the tower and into the temple of kyne's breath. Thee priestesss tried to stop him because he was not a pagan like her but instead followed a true and proper monolithic religion. But then he pulled out some crucifix darts from his cloak and threw them threw her head and she died. He then turned the shrine of kyne's breath into a shrine of GOD and prayed for the rest of the night until it ended when the sub came up. This made it so the dark energy of the devilman Fangar fell of him. Then he stepped outside and the secret fire magician Farengar was wating for him. "Abraham Abraham I have something to tell you! It is very important and you should come with me right away!"

"Ok that sounds intreegin but how can I tryst you? All I have maet so far are pagans, stanists, and women pagans and you know how much I cant trust them." Abraham bellowed wisely while looking into Farengars eyes. Then Frarengar showed him something he thought he would never see again... a crucifix. He wasn't really a wizard, he was a Christian missionary! "Ok I beleive you now where are we going?" Abraham questioned inquisitionly as they walked out of town into the stables.

"To the stables. They will never find us there!" Farengar retorted secretively. Abraham agreed. Pagans were very high on their high horses but so high they would never go near an actual horse because they saw themselfs as too high on their pevese Grate Chain of Bein.g They sat in the straw behind a horse and then Abraham asked hmi what was upand then Fangar responded.

"There is something evil coming to Skyrim. Somethin ery evil indeed!" Farengrar mused softly.

"What is it?" Abraham asked in a questing tone.

"Soemthing eviler than any pagan. In fact it mite be the root of all evil in pagans. The words of the devil. Have you seen? Dragons! Dragons are coming to Skryim.!" Farengar shouted loudly!

"No, it cannot be!" Abraham said shockingly, already understanding what Farengar meant when he said dragons are coming to skyirm. He pulled open his Bible and flipped to Revelations 12:3. "Revelations 12:3 - And there appeared another wonder in Heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads right?"

"Yes you are very right - Relevations 12:3. Dragons are coming to Skyrim and you know who the kingfo all dragons is!"

"S*T*N!" They both snouted at the same time.

"We should go be cause the horeses here could be his minions." he said surepticiosly and they walked off. "Ah but the pagans say the big dragon is call Aldune... Then it can only bee..."

"Yes it can only be... Aldune is S*T*N." he muttered sorosely. They walked in silence down the road until they came off the road and hid behind a tree. Suddenly Fangar pushed Abraham up against a tree and leaned in close. He brought his face close to Abraham and whispered softly in his ear.

"You are a chosen 1 Abraham! A saint sent to stop a grate evil in the pagan lands and save them from their stupid ways!" he whispered excitedly and he pushed closer to Abrahanm. "But there is something I must tell you. There is only one thing that can kill S*T*N and it is a magic weapon. It is somewhere here in Skrim and it is call the Spear of Long..."

Suddenly Fangar staggers back ward clutching his hart and screamed. He then fell to the gronud creaming and died. Abraham tried to save him but it was to late. Farengar was dead!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!111111" Abraham cried up to the sky as he beat his chest and wept on his dear freinds body. But then... he saw a note on his body written in red blood! It was obviously satinic. He picked it up and cut it open with his cross-shaped curved sword.

"Hehehehe, fool! You cannot stop me because your GOD is dead and I have killed jim just like nietsch says! That is because I am the GOD OF THIS NEW WORLD and my name is... KIRA!"


End file.
